Actually it seems quite easy scoring a 7 on average but my school had some very weird definitions in my first year. We had 11 courses every block (10 weeks) where every course was 1 ECT except for one which was 4 ECT. If only you had the work of 1 ECT it would have been easy but instead of the 28 hours it was more like 56 hours you had to put in. Since I have a social life and work next to school I of course didn’t spend so many hours on these courses. My second year though is better in that way, with fewer courses and more realistic hours. So far I got a 7 on average for both my first and second block. Also got my propaedeutic, I still had to get 0,5 ECT from my first year, stupid yes, it was a 10 minute conversation I managed to miss twice. Public transportation and a room change messed things up. Probably also lack of planning on my part. The 10 minute conversation was changed to an assignment to test the 4 basic CMD skills. I was a little nervous because you couldn’t prepare this assignment, except for bringing pencils. So on Monday morning, an hour early, I was sitting there waiting with my backpack full of pencils and bags under my eyes from sleep deprivation. I got a satisfactory grade and now I have my propaedeutic.
The beach, a fun free activity, I like it. It’s very therapeutic, the sand, the sound of calm waves a nice little breeze and very few people in winter. Yes. Only this time it was more like exercise with wind force 8, muddy beach and free sandblasting. Good for the skin though. I was going on a date with the girl I referred to in one of my previous blogs, you know the one I met when I was totally drunk on a party and forgot how she looked like and is now my girlfriend. Yes her. Her roommate drove us to Heemskerk. We walked for a couple of hours, I tried to minimize my complaining about the wind (wind scares me) as I found out that complaining on dates is unattractive. Nevertheless it was a fun walk and I wore a cap so at least my hair didn’t got messy. We had something to eat in a nice restaurant afterwards. Beach, new place in The Netherlands and going out for diner, three Day Zero goals in one day and a date with a pretty girl.
A few months back I went to the arcade hall. About ten years ago I went bowling for the last time. You know when they still put those things on the side so the ball doesn’t fall in. Yes… I guess I still need those. At the same arcade hall I played air hockey. A game I played a lot when on holidays in Italy. Still haven’t lost my tough it turned out.
Tegan and Sara
On June 24 I went to see Tegan and Sara in Paradiso, Amsterdam. A beautiful venue I might add. I had already seen them a few years back, also in Paradiso. Since then they released one new album, with a complete different style then their others. There stage performance had become more mature it was more about the music and less about the jokes. It was fun show and I would go and see them again.
Sleeping With Sirens
I went to see Sleeping With Sirens on September 20 in a venue called Effenaar. I really like their music on cd but damn they play bad live. I think it was a combination between poorly adjusted sound and bad vocals. Big disappointment I didn’t expect them to suck so much live because they had become pretty popular in the last few years. I was with a friend and we decided to leave early.
Impericon Never Say Die Tour
A friend of mine asked me to go to the Impericon Never Say Die Tour in Tivoli. I looked up the artist who would play and I had heard of them but never listen to their music. Tickets were 30 euros. Tivoli though is 10 minutes from where I live and I know someone who works their so I managed to get on the guest list, big thanks. I went there with no expectations and it turned out that all bands were really nice. Betraying The Martyrs were my favorite that night with their incredible stage performance.
Vans Warped Tour
Every year I drool a little when I see the line up of Vans Warped USA. It was a pleasant surprise to see that Warped was coming to Europe, with a very nice line up. So on November 10 I went to Vans Warped Europe in Klokgebouw. I saw so many bands, most of them for just a few songs:
- The Charm The Fury
- Memphis May Fire
- John Coffey
- Parkway Drive
- Billy Talent
- Watsky and Wax
- We Came As Romans
- The Maine
I really wanted to see Parkway Drive, Memphis May Fire, Crossfaith, We Came As Romans and The Main, the other bands were just nice extras. These are bands I have listen to for years but I had never seen live. Klokgebouw itself was a nice venue for Vans Warped, hopefully there will be many more.
Skip & Die
New girlfriend asked if I would like to go to Skip & Die with her, I had never really listen to Skip & Die before but when I listen to some of their songs I thought it ought to be fun. So on December 19 we went to Tivoli to see Skip and Die. Amazing performance and I really liked how they connected with the audience. I would defiantly see them again.
This was an easy one. I tried some weird flavors like ‘blueberry muffin’ and ‘vanilla caramel’ and some others of that sort, but they are a little to sweat for my taste. I also tried some tea that is supposed to have some benefits for you health like ‘sleepy time’ and ‘energy for woman’. Although they taste nice I do not notice their benefits. A friend of mine gave me organic green tea and I loved the taste so I tried some other organic tea and I am sold.
I am so afraid my fears come true
When I fight a battle with your demons
Every time your hand reaches for that bottle
When you swallow every drop
When the drops reaches your liver
And blackens it
When the blackness flows through your veins
Spreads to your heart
And blackens it
When your heart turns all your blood
Into black poison
And there is no turning back anymore
I am so afraid my fears come true
The blackness went from your body to your soul
I can’t fight your battles any longer
I am worn out from begging on my knees
I am choking from screaming into a pillow
I am bleeding from hitting the walls
Why don’t you fight?
Have you ever?
I am so afraid my fears come true
Because your demons are closing in on you
And you don’t know how close you are to losing
But I do
It changed me
And now your demons are closing in on me
They wait for my mistakes
So they can enter my body and my soul
I am so afraid my fears come true
Am I fighting a battle I can’t win?
Just like you
Every night I stare into their cold blank eyes
And then I try to numb my fears
So every night I become more like you
And my fears become true
A few months before I broke up with my girlfriend I ran into someone whom I had dated in the past. We didn’t like each other in a romantic manner when we dated a few years ago and so we went our separate ways. Thus when we saw each other we decided to hang out, catch up a little, purely friendly. I am not really sure when or how it happened but I fell in love with her. My breakup was completely unrelated to this happening by the way, I am not that stupid.
I cannot figure out how I fall in love with somebody. It is a complete irrational process, which is frustrating because I am a very rational person. Though in this matter my brain has its own little get together and makes stupid, stupid decisions. If only it could tell me what it’s thinking. In all my life I have been in love with three girls. All three used me as a doll to play with when it suited them. All three weren’t in love with me. So that is two things they have in common, but it seems stupid my brain selects girls solely with those qualities.
So I have been thinking, what else do they have in common? They are all kind and friendly towards other people. They didn’t cancel things to see me. Also they are all intelligent and don’t ask annoying questions. I think that is basically everything they have in common, because they look completely different from each other. They do all wear Vans. OMG THAT MUST BE IT. Oh I’m sorry, I just had a revelation.
About a week ago I decided that I wasn’t going to be treated shitty for years by a girl again. I let the other two use me, but I am at a point in my life where I have too much self-respect to wait around for a girl. Empty promises are what she gives me.
To that I say, go to hell! Take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear, I don’t need you and I’m okay by myself.
It was very hard for me to tell my brain that it would have to deal with my decision. So I wouldn’t be me if I wouldn’t do something stupid shortly after. Because doing stupid irresponsibly things when I am upset over a girl is my specialty.
So after all this hard thinking and deciding and stuff I went to a gay club with some friends and got totally drunk. I feel so pretty when I’m drunk, great dancer too. I figured why not kiss with some girls to get over another. A great technique which has proven not to work for so many times, drunken me always thinks it does though. After a little of that I met a girl that kind of had something I liked so I didn’t kiss with her, I just asked her number. Well… I don’t really remember what that special something might be, or what she looked like or what we talked about. All I had was a first name and a phone number. She actually put the name of the party behind her name. Maybe I made some sort of, number asking kind of person, impression.
Next week we are going to drink something with each other. It is going to be an awkward first 10 minutes I think. Especially because I won’t recognize her. I just hope she wears Vans.
Since the start of the new school year, in September, Utrecht Central station has been through some major changes. My guess is they removed some bicycle parking spaces. The last few weeks were absolute madness. There just isn’t enough space anymore. I now have to leave 5 minutes earlier from home so I can find a place to put my bike. I know this is bad, but sometimes I drag someone else’s bike out off the rack and put my own in.
No longer. From tomorrow on I am taking the bus. I have had three bikes stolen, headlights broken, paint scratched off, flat tires and today somebody managed to destroy my brakes. I’d rather get fat, poor and lazy by taking the bus than to undergo this for one more day.
Did you know it is human nature to focus on smaller solvable problems than thinking about serious problems? It’s like oh we are destroying earth with our behavior… well… I don’t really like to think about that today, or ever. However stupid this may sound I think we just need to be ignorant about things to cope.
I am a very practiced, being ignorant, denying things, not dealing with problems, kind of person. The past month sucked big time, first my breakup and a few weeks later I lost a friend. So to deal with it I focus on the solvable issues, like my little bicycle parking annoyance. I have many more of those. A long line in the supermarket because of a slow cashier. Pigeons that don’t go away when you try to pass. My purple pencil missing. Clothes not being color sorted. You see, I like to keep busy.
So embrace the smaller problems and the feeling of accomplishment when solving them, they do make your life easier.
I like old people. I like it how they thank the bus driver when they leave the bus. I like it how they offer you endless tea and cookies. I like it how they call everyone under 65 ‘young’. I like their furniture. I like how they stay together for life. Sometimes they have been longer together than apart.
I work for an organization that cleans houses for old people. The government subsidizes it, so I basically go to people with all sorts of income. It’s really great to meet so many different people, I go to someone else every week. I don’t really like cleaning, but it’s nice to help someone out, so I still do my best cleaning. I really like the social aspect of my job though, it’s why I go to work with a smile on my face. I went to old ladies that were over a 100 years old, the stories they share are so amazing to hear.
It are mostly women I go to, their husbands died. Sometimes they have also lost sons and daughters, sisters and brothers. But they still stay strong. It is a very proud generation, that doesn’t like asking other people to do stuff for them. So sometimes I really have to convince them I have to clean something and not just talk. They are big gossips to sometimes, you wouldn’t believe the things they can say about the downstairs neighbor or the woman who sat next to them in a recent bus trip.
My own grandparents I often visit. My grandpa moved from Italy to The Netherlands in his early twenties to work as a temporary worker. When my grandparents met they were instantly in love and my grandfather stayed in The Netherlands. They got two boys in the years following.
My grandfather was a man with ambition, he worked his way up in an electric company, from nothing till manager of three provinces. Next to his regular job he taught Italian. It took its toll on him though, having his first heart attack on age 50. Two more would follow but he is still alive and living. Giving computer lessons to other old people and going to the gym a view times a week.
My grandmother had a partime job cleaning for old people (just like what I do now) and taking care of the children and the house. When she was in her early sixties they found a tumor the size of a Ping-Pong-ball in her brain. The operation took about 14 hours. Grandma is also alive and living. Working as a volunteer in a retirement center and she goes to an exercise class for older women weekly.
My grandparents are such loving, positive and energetic people. They inspire me.
Normally I am not the kind of person that complains or talks about things on social network, that everyone else is already talking about. Normally I am annoyed by those kinds of people. Normally. But not today. I am also not superstitious at all. Normally I am incredibly annoyed by superstitious people. Normally. But not today.
So it was going to be an easy day, no school, just work for 2 hours. Or so I thought. My work had sent me a schedule on Tuesday, I had to work on two different addresses. One from 09:00 till 12:00 and one from 13:00 till 16:00. Yesterday they sent me a new schedule that said I had to work from 09:00 till 11:00. I thought by myself that it was kind of strange, but whatever. Too bad because I could use the money, but a free afternoon is also nice.
After my morning ritual, a cup of coffee, two crackers, a 15 minute shower, I left the house 5 minutes late as usual. Doesn’t matter, cycling through all red lights I was 5 minutes early, as usual. After drinking some more coffee at my client’s, I cleaned some stuff, and had coffee again. I left at 11:15. When I looked at my phone I had 3 missed calls and 3 voicemail messages from work. Cycling and calling back at the same time (to lazy to listen to voicemail), it turned out I was at the wrong address. Then I realized oh God I looked at the schedule for next week, I am screwed. So basically I went to someone who was supposed to get help next week, didn’t go to the person I was supposed to go to and had an afternoon address. Yes I am definitely screwed.
After 30 minutes my planner called me back. Good news the person I was supposed to go to wasn’t upset. The person I had to go to that afternoon was unreachable since Tuesday so I wasn’t suppose to go there anyway. Okay so I guess I was actually kind of lucky at this point. The planner was more upset with herself because she forgot to the tell me about the afternoon client. Also I wasn’t going to be fired. Such a relief and I still have the afternoon off. Still I feel silly because I usually don’t make stupid mistakes like that.